BREAKING NEWS: James O'Keefe a Secret Mole of the Left!

A Progressive Theology Exclusive

19 November 2011

Editor's Note: Once again Progressive Theology's roving reporter, Jon Swift, has uncovered a scoop that exposes the gullibility of the traditional media. The following is a transcript of an exclusive interview Jon conducted with a former James O'Keefe insider, identified here by a code name, Superfly, to protect his identity.

Progressive Theology: I'm Jon Swift, intrepid reporter for Progressive Theology, with an exclusive on the right-wing stingmaster James O'Keefe that would be impossible to believe if it weren't backed up by a former O'Keefe confidante and insider. I'm joined by a gentleman whom I'll identify only as Superfly. Welcome.

Superfly: Thank you, Jon.

PT: First, tell our audience why we should believe your story, which I have to say sounds outrageous at first. You claim that James O'Keefe, the notorious king of sting, who brought down ACORN and the president of National Public Radio through craftily edited videos that misstated the facts and misrepresented their views, is in fact an agent of the liberal machine run by George Soros, MoveOn, and DailyKos. Is that right?

SF: Yes, Jon, it is. I know it's hard to believe, based on James's track record of going after icons of the left, but I know what I'm taking about. I have proof!

PT: (skeptically) Proof? A smoking gun? I'll believe it when I see it.

SF: (pulls out a gun that is actually smoking) Here's part of it.

PT: (alarmed) Whoa! Put that thing away! Do I need to call security?

SF: (reassuringly) No, Jon, it's not dangerous. I emptied it just before coming to the interview by shooting at a couple of community organizers. Don't worry, I shot over their heads. I was just having a little fun!

PT: So why is this smoking gun a smoking gun that implicates James O'Keefe in the left-wing conspiracy?

SF: Jon, this gun is the very weapon used to fire bullets at the White House earlier this week.

PT: (aghast) What? But I thought the Secret Service already caught the guy who did it....

SF: That's what the liberal media wants you to think. By locking up a Mexican, Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, it shifts blame away from the real culprit, none other than James O'Keefe.

PT: (with a wrinkled brow) In the first place, it's my understanding that the suspect is an American citizen who calls himself Oscar Ortega. He happens to be Hispanic, but that's irrelevant to the shooting, and identifying Latinos by all four names is a pretty common way for the right-wing media, not the left-wing media, to emphasize the apparent "foreignness" of people they want to portray as dangerous, terrorist types.

SF: (condescendingly) Jon, Jon, Jon--you're so easily duped!

PT: OK, explain to me why I should believe you when you say James O'Keefe is behind the shooting, as well as a pawn of the liberal Soros cabal.

SF: It's simple, really. I drove the getaway car.

PT: (puzzled) But I thought the Secret Service found the car.

SF: (rolling his eyes) It was a plant, Jon.

PT: Oh, I get it. Go on.

SF: Right. O'Keefe is really a tool of the left. Along with his handlers, he planned the White House shooting in order to frame an innocent, but somewhat disturbed, follower of conservative teachings.

PT: Disturbed?

SF: He thinks he's Jesus.

PT: Ah. Well, getting back to O'Keefe, he's famous for secretly filming a conversation between himself, a female associate, and an ACORN staff member in which it appears that he was dressed like a pimp and was trying to get ACORN to provide money to his operation. Of course, it turned out that he filmed himself and the woman--dressed like a pimp and a prostitute--later and spliced it into the original film, but the public, including members of Congress, were gullible enough to believe it without an investigation, effectively killing a decades-old organization that helped the poor register to vote. It was a tremendous victory for the right. Why would he do that if he were secretly an agent of the left?

SF: For the credibility, Jon. The left was willing to sacrifice ACORN, which has now been reorganized on the state and community level and is recruiting just as many undesirable voters as before. It was all a ruse to give James credibility.

PT: (skeptically) Maybe, but what about bringing down the president of NPR?

SF: Do you really think anyone cares what happens to NPR?

PT: (chuckling) Maybe not. But what about when he was caught breaking into Senator Mary Landrieu's office pretending to be a telephone repairman? He was convicted of trespass, and he's still on probation for that.

SF: That was one of his most brilliant maneuvers. He killed two birds with one stone on that one!

PT: What do you mean?

SF: First, he got caught--on purpose, as I've come to find out--in the process making conservatives look like a bunch of idiots.

PT: (thoughtfully) That's true, he certainly did make you look like idiots.

SF: Exactly. And second, as everyone knows, Mary Landrieu, though Republicans don't like her sorry, liberal views--

PT: (admonishingly) Watch it.

SF: It's really the Democrats, at least the most liberal ones, who don't like her. I've learned that O'Keefe was actually successful in planting bugs in her phones and around her office, but for his left-wing masters, not for the right!

PT: (shocked) Those are serious charges. What do you have to back them up?

SF: I've been suspicious of James for awhile. Despite the so-called successes with ACORN and NPR, his repeated failures were beginning to add up. His feeble attempt to get Occupy protesters to advocate violence. Lame! And he got caught on camera, so again he looked stupid. And then he got schooled by a journalism professor at Columbia. Columbia, Jon! He was supposedly doing an ambush interview, but he was so incompetent--he wasn't even wearing a disguise, for God's sake!--that he was recognized and made to look foolish. And of course it was caught on video. That level of incompetence can only be by design.

PT: (quizzically) I don't know. I've seen some pretty incompetent people before. Is that all you've got?

SF: No, Jon, here's the piece de resistance.

PT: Do you mean the pièce de résistance?

SF: (annoyed) Whatever. Do you know where James went to college?

PT: I think it was Rutgers, right?

SF: Exactly. Ivy League!

PT: (confused) And?

SF: (excitedly) And who else is Ivy League? Harvard! The liberal bastion of all liberalities!

PT: (nodding) I think I see where you're going.

SF: And do you know what the Harvard motto is, on their school coat of arms?

PT: What?

SF: It's veritas. That means truth. And what's the name of James's strategy to supposedly bring down the left? Project Veritas! It's right there, plain as day. This supposed icon of the right is actually a Manchurian Candidate of the left. He's been deep under cover for several years now, going back at least to his days at Rutgers, where he tried--and failed--to get Lucky Charms taken off the breakfast menu. He's been perfecting his failure shtick for years! It was only the utter incompetence of the nominal left that failed to recognize the obvious blunders he built into his stings of ACORN and NPR. And besides that, like I already said, the more savvy members of the left, Soros's boys, allowed those stings to succeed because it endeared James to conservatives.

PT: (amazed) Wow! That's quite a story, and I have to admit, it's pretty convincing! But if you've been suspicious for awhile, why haven't you already blown the whistle. And why did you participate in the White House shooting, like you say you did.

SF: To trap him, Jon, and put him in prison where he belongs, once and for all. He's a traitor to the conservative movement, making it look bad and incompetent at every turn. But I've got the goods on him now, and I'm about to drop a dime on him about his involvement in the shooting. Remember, I've got the smoking gun! (brandishing the gun once again)

PT: OK, but if you tell your story to the authorities, won't you go to jail, too? After all, you've admitted to being the getaway driver!

SF: Ha, that's where my plan is better than his! I'll leave an anonymous tip on the Secret Service hotline and let them know where they can find the gun, which is registered to James and has his fingerprints on it.

PT: But I know who you are? Aren't you worried about that?

SF: (triumphantly) Not in the least! You're a reporter, and the journalist shield law protects me. You may go to jail for refusing to reveal your source, but I'll be kicking back at the Reagan library, reveling in the downfall of that liberal rat, James O'Keefe.

PT: (looking at the camera) Well there you have it, folks, from an indubitably reliable source inside James O'Keefe's inner circle. James O'Keefe: pawn of the left! This is Jon Swift, signing off.

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